one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize