I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
