i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
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