OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Randomize
