So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
