You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Randomize
