I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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