i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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