Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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