is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
