i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
You were trust falling into bushes
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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