I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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