i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
