the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
