"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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