Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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