I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize