1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
