You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
So I just went to clothing optional bar
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
