I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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