Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
