She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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