Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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