you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
