You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
