I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
