Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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