dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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