I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
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