p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
