Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
