Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
