I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Randomize
