There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
