the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
