dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
My vagina is very pro this idea
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