i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
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