he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I just forgot I was standing up.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
My vagina just clenched in fear
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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