well I can't set my house on fire every night
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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