Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I need water and some morals
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize