who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize