i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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