it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize