can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
The air was thick with penises
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
