I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Randomize
