so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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