There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
