this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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