I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
