dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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