how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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