i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
