This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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