Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
