It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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