come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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