Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
