i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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