While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
