He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
