I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
even my farts smell like vagina
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
