Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
