My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
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