sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
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